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Parenting Necessities: Characteristics, Principles, and ToolsBy Chris Theisen
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Disciplining a difficult child can be as draining and agonizing as jogging two-miles in a pair of ski boots. Most parents would probably prefer to change a flat tire or even dig a ditch, anything to avoid dealing with the aggravation caused by their challenging little youngster.
Characteristics
Becoming an effective disciplinarian involves three core characteristics. It takes patience, commitment, and a bit of common sense. All three of these characteristics must be in place if a parent expects to be successful in disciplining their difficult child. Without patience, a parent can lose control. Without commitment, a parent will eventually give up. And without common sense, there is no saying what will ensue.
Principles
To discipline effectively, parents must also adhere to a few simple principles.
1. They must be consistent.
2. They must be fair.
3. They must provide structure.
4. They must communicate effectively and openly.
5. They must establish a mutual respect for one another (parent and child).
6. Both parents must work together as a team.
A lack of consistency creates confusion, a lack of fairness creates resentment, and a lack of structure creates chaos. Without open and effective communication, there is a complete breakdown. Where there is no mutual respect, there is usually hostility. And when parents fail to work as a team, children learn to manipulate and exploit them. Adhering to the principles listed above should help parents create a solid foundation from which to build upon their parenting and discipline skills.
Tools
Disciplining a difficult child takes a great deal of time, energy, and effort. A lot of trial and error goes into finding the right solutions to various behavior problems. Luckily, there are a variety of tools that parents can use in an effort to simplify their discipline strategies. There are behavior charts, behavior contracts, and various types of token economies which can be implemented by parents who are looking to improve their child's negative behavior.
Behavior charts help parents track the behaviors and/or tasks that they expect of their child(ren) each day. They also provide the child with a visual reminder as to what is expected.
Behavior contracts clearly state a child's specific behavioral expectations as well as the rewards and consequences for meeting (or failing to meet) the terms of the contract.
Token economies offer incentives to children by providing small privileges or rewards in exchange for positive behavior. Usually the behavior must "go over and beyond" normal expectations.
Use the chart below to find out what the pros and cons are of each parenting tool:
| PROS | CONS |
| Behavior Contracts | Spells out the desired behaviors in detail. Precise expectations.
Encourages parents and children to work together. | Can be difficult or time-consuming to write.
Can be confusing for younger children. |
| Behavior Charts | Establishes a record of the child's behavior.
Expectations are itemized.
Easy to change or modify as needed to meet child's needs. | Must be filled out or marked on a daily basis.
Behavior expectations are brief and often too simplistic.
Need to replace them each week. |
| Token Economies | Can be fun to implement.
Encourage pro-social behavior.
Very concrete. Great for younger children. | Parent(s) must observe behavior in order to reward it.
Easy for a child to manipulate.
Expectations are vague. |
About the Author:
Chris Theisen has written several articles about child and teen behavior and is the creator of The Parent Coach Plan, a comprehensive discipline plan for parents. His websites offer behavior contracts, behavior charts, and a wealth of information and advice related to parenting and discipline.
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